Well, they've finally done the impossible over at DC. With Batman #600 they have finally managed to take lovable old Batman and make him even more warm and fuzzy than he has been in recent months. Now, I love Batman, or at least I used to, but I am a bit taken aback by this rather grim incarnation of comics grimmest hero.
In recent issues, Bruce Wayne has been charged with the murder of Vesper Fairchild. Placed in custody, he has to sit and wait while the other members of the Bat-Family try to find evidence to clear him. Clues are pretty much non existant and most of what is there points to Batman. Of course, true Batman fans know that he couldn't have done it. Batman is the virtual model of sanity and would never snap. In Batman #600, Bruce Wayne finally has enough and breaks out of police custody. This doesn't sit too well with the other members of the Batman team who have been trying to convince themselves that he couldn't have done it. So pretty much everyone else in the Bat-Family gathers at the Bat-Cave for a Bat-Confrontation. Batman snarls at everyone and he and Nightwing fight. Hey, what's an aniversary issue without two superheros fighting each other? All in all, it's another feel good love fest from the team that brought you Contagion, Cataclism and No Mans Land.
Still, gloom and despare aside, Batman 600 is a significant event. To celebrate this occasion I have, right here an enlighenting interview with everyones favorite Dark Knight Detective:
ZeroMan: So, Should I call you Bruce or Bat-Man?
Batman: There IS no Bruce Wayne!
ZeroMan: Oooookay, then. So, Batman, With Bruce Wayne in a bit of trouble with the law, how will this affect your work as a superhero?
Batman: (snarling)Bruce Wayne Doesn't matter! All that matters is the mission!
ZeroMan: And just what is that mission?
Batman: (hissing) You wouldn't understand!
ZeroMan: But you're still a crime fighter, right?
Batman: (raising his voice) What would you know about crime?
ZeroMan: Isn't crime fighting your mission?
Batman: Do you have a point?
ZeroMan: Well, if you're going to fight crime and all that, wouldn't it make sense to keep a secret identity? Expecially a rich one?
Batman: All that matter's is the mission!
ZeroMan: Yeah, yeah... you said that already. Say.. what about the Justice League? Can't they help clear Bruce Wayne?
Batman: (grimaces) I don't need them!
ZeroMan: I can see that. Well, then... what about Robin, Nightwing, Ora...
Batman: (Pounds his fist) They don't matter!! All that matters is the mission!!
ZeroMan: Uhmmm... Could you let go of my face? Look, if you don't mind me saying so- you seem a little tense.
Batman: That night!! The alley!! The Mission!
ZeroMan: Allrighty then! Hey, look at the time. I really have to go now. Could I have my keys back?
Batman: Shut up! It's clear now. The enemy!! The mission!
ZeroMan: Well, that's it for this week. This has been ZeroMan interviewing the worlds most Popular superhero. God help us all.
Batman: The Alley! Guns!! The Miiiiissssioon....
