Talking To That Venomous Fishwife
DVD REVIEWS FOR THE CRITICAL CONNOISSEUR
By Dr. Strangelove
Salutations and warm welcomes to all you brave souls out there in internet-land! I label your patronage to this, my humble corner of criticism, as daring, fore I believe that one must truly be marked by steadfast courage, if such a person is willing to gamble away their expectations and anticipations for an upcoming film or for-sale-flick, by reading my discouraging (but sometime encouraging) movie reviews.
But enough with long winded run on sentences; lets discuss credentials. Me, I have none, but I do love movies; especially good movies, and that statement in-and-of itself delivers unto you the reader my reason for existence as a critic of all things filmed. So what nuggets of information do you the reader need to arm yourself with before perusing my consumer column of theatrical criticisms? I don't rate films with stars, thumbs, yeas or nays; instead I've employed a unique system for scoring the celluloid/digital medium of picture shows: amount of time spent in my DVD player. A good film may last anywhere from 1 hour to a month in my player, and even though only a particular scene or selection of scenes from a movie might be viewed, the crucial thing to remember is that those moments are what hold sway over this reviewer's judgment. Many a morning has been spent ogling a speech delivered with fury by Bette Davis or Corey Feldman, while thoughts of midmorning traffic and possible reprimands for arriving late to work float away from the borders of my concerned mind. I lose myself to the pixels of fire and music upon the television scene; only am I brought to the surface of reality by a bad line or break in rhythm.
So with a beer in one hand and an inch of ash dangling dangerously close to the keys on the keyboard, allow me the pleasure of sharing with you the reader, some over my recent purchases and their over-all ratings.
NOW PLAYING ON MY DVD PLAYER
GOONIES
Finally available on DVD through Warner Bros., this Richard Donner (Lethal Weapon, Superman, The Omen) film is a must buy for those children at heart crowd. Goonies is the perfect Sunday afternoon movie for those rainy weekend days. I personally loved this film when it premiered almost 20 years ago, and am delighted to own it at last. As a child growing up in Dallas during the late 70's and early 80's, many a weekend was wasted in games consisting of hide and seek, random vandalism, and let's peek through the neighboring newlyweds windows. Intense psychosomatic therapy sessions and an introduction to the lakes of alcohol may have numbed memories of childhood, but the film Goonies will always cause a synapses to fire off in my brain, and for a few hours the joys of being a juvenile delinquent are resurfaced and relished in passing.
Goonies is priced within budget, but the real worth of this DVD is in the special features section. Not only does this disc include treasures like deleted scenes, the Cyndi Lauper The Goonies 'R' Good Enough music video, and a 3D animated interactive menu, but you are also given the original Making of The Goonies documentary and feature length audio commentary with Richard Donner and all the kids!!! The documentary was made around the time of the movies production and is very short in length of time, but watch for the scene in which Donner sarcastically thanks Steven Spielberg for his involvement in the film. LOVE THAT PART! The audio commentary advertised on the back of the box is in a way misleading to the buyer, because not only do you get to hear the cast and director discussing the various scenes, but there are segments filmed as they talk that pop-up during the movie. The reason that Goonies is still in my player is for that very fact. Donner is not as talkative as he is in the Superman DVD, but the cast of kids from Goonies more than make up for his silence; especially Sean Astin. Sean (Mikey) never shuts up through half of the movie, and only seems able to deliver pointless antidotes centered around himself, with a stutter that would scrape the nerves of even Mother Teresa. He interrupts others comments, holds an air of self-delusional superiority over his fellow cast mates, and did I mention the constant stutter? Watch for the scene half way through the movie, where the film is minimized and we see the commentators talking. You'll notice that Sean has disappeared from the set, and only Richard Donner shows any concern for his disappearance, while the rest of the kids seem to blossom under the absence. Inside info into the filming process and personal experiences flow without restraint or censor, and it is at this moment that jokes between the group members are thrown out in good humor. Jeff (Chunk) Cohen gives the best behind-the-scene tales of real interest, while Martha (Steph) Plimpton is hilarious as she criticizes her character and adlibs new dialogue. Corey (Mouth) Feldman is annoying for about the first hour, but even I laughed out with the cast when he dubs his own lines from the waterfall scene. The viewer is allowed admittance into the world of film making through this commentary, and that is why Goonies still gets playtime every day!
Goonies-2 weeks and still in the player
The Legend of Hell House
Before I go any further into this review, I feel it is important that you the reader know this about The Legend of Hell House, IT SUCKED! I am a huge fan of Richard Matheson, the author of such classic horror fiction as I AM LEGEND, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, and HELL HOUSE, but what the hell was he thinking when making this film? I'm well aware that movies very rarely are as great an experience as reading the book itself, but Matheson served as scriptwriter for this film. The excellent job he did for Roger Corman on The Pit and the Pendulum was almost as spectacular as reading Poe himself compared to the threadbare characterization he pinned for The Legend of Hell House.
The plot follows closely to the novel (both of which bare a close resemble to Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House), in which four characters are paid to stay in the "Mount Everest of haunted houses" for a week, all for the purpose of proving that there is indeed life after death. The 1971 novel touched upon subjects considered still taboo at that time such as homosexuality (also shown in Jackson's novel, but presented in a quieter way for the 1959 readership) female masturbation, pleasure through abusive sex, and impotence. Now you might be asking yourself why I feel that these elements should hold such a level of importance within the scope of a film; it is because that each of these elements has a direct impact upon the psyche of the four characters experiencing them. They shape the figures that exhibit them, and through those experiences the reader is given a unique window into the character's world. The novel Hell House is not just a horror story; it is a journey into the realms of madness and terror, made possible by means of psychological exhibition, introspection, and personalization. The reader relates to the thoughts and feelings these four people harbor during the story, and that connection makes the horrors they face in Hell House all the more real.
The Legend of Hell House has none of the characterization given in the book, so the actors appear stiff and hollow with nothing but a bad set and cheap parlor tricks to work from. A review I read for this film said that while being low budget, the film contain chilling scenes that justified owning it. The only chilling scene from The Legend of Hell House was the one in which I paid $20.00 at Best Buy for this movie.
The Legend of Hell House-Hour and thirty minutes worth of movie, but only 45 minutes in the player
The Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit
The title says everything about this film: The Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit. Very rarely do I acquire a movie without seeing it first up on the BIG screen, and when that film is as good as The Incredible Adventures… I have to sit for a few seconds and pat myself on the back. This is a must own for animation fans, fans of slapstick, and any persons looking for a good family flick.
The Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit is a feast for the eyes. The disc contains three 30-minute features that revolve around the lives of an absentminded inventor named Wallace, and his devoted (lord only knows why) dog Gromit. Presented on DVD are three films staring this duo: A Grand Day Out, The Wrong Trousers, and A Close Shave. Each is enjoyable and easily watch able again and again. This disc is also loaded with extras, but I haven't had time to view them all. Look though in the special features for Nick Park's earlier creations and experiments he made with stop motion as a young adult!
Nick Park (Chicken Run, Creature Comforts) shows a flare for not only exceptional animation abilities, but also in the direction of action and story flow. The viewer loses him/herself with every passing of the camera frame, but while the action scenes are enthralling in their execution, it's the pauses in movement that Park really demonstrates his talent. Every set is incredibly detailed; from Wallace's cheese faring rocket ship to the dog bone wallpaper adorning Gromit's room. Over the story line I can only say this, so that you can understand the impact this film had on me; I wanted so very must to join in on their adventures. That is why The Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit is still in my player.
The Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit-One week in the player and still there for viewing
Coming Soon to a DVD Review:
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World
The Simpsons First Season Collection
Citizen Cane
Next Weeks Review:
The Planet of the Apes DVD Collection
(The good version, not that Tim Burton crap)
Back To The Archive!
Till next time... the doctor is out!