"My fellow Californidiots, I stand before you not just a humble man, but a great and humble man. You have taken the Political IQ test and passed. The path that I took to get here was a long one, but one that strengthened me for the task that I face as Governor of this fine state. Along the way, many people asked me just why I should be the one to rule California. That is a good question and one which I intend to answer with all honesty and forthrightness. My record in the comic book industry speaks loudly of my accomplishments. When I took over the Marvel Comics Empire, it was a shambles. They could barely afford to produce one cover for each book, there was only one Spider-Man and no one knew where Wolverine came from. I addressed each of these issues and ushered in a new age for comic books, an age where anything was possible, an age where comics would be indistinguishable from various mens magazines and tabloids. Now, comic sales are higher than they have been in several years. The evil AOL Comic line is once again on the run. It is now safe to venture into a comic book store, something that couldn't be said before my tenure at Marvel began.

"But now it is not time to dwell on my many, many accomplishments. Now it is time to look forward to this new era for California. I do not come into this office without a plan to rebuild California. I come here with a carefully prepared plan of action that will make California the greatest kingdom in this world!"

(pauses for applause...)

"To begin, I have appointed Joe Quesada as my Chief Officer of Domestic Affairs. He'll handle the day to day operations of the state with the same poise and intelligence that he applied to Marvel Knights. I assure you that the trains will run on time and there will be no cost overruns in my government! Next, I plan to address the issue of literacy in our public schools. Kid don't read today because they haven't been exposed to anything that they actually want to read. So effective today, I'm mandating that schools abandon the tired old books of the past and add the entire Marvel Max line of books to their curriculum. This will not only teach our youth to read, but it will also expose them to the values that made this land great. Exposure to the works of Garth Ennis and Chuck Austin will forge our youth into a solid future that we can look forward to.

"I have been asked how I plan to fix our states floundering utilities system. The answer is simple: I will apply the same strategy that worked phenomenally well with our comic line. From this day forward, we will underproduce our utilities. Those who want their electricity and water will have to get in early or pay the price on e-bay. This will create a buzz around the utilities and make them desirable again. Only this way will we be able to keep AOL's greedy hands away from our share of the utilities market.

"Finally, another of my finest moments at Marvel was when I pulled Marvel Comics out of the Previews Catalog. Comic fans should have to buy a separate catalog that hyped nothing but Marvel. Frankly, we didn't want to be associated with all of those classless black and white indie books. We certainly didn't want these lesser publications gaining credibility by being in the same catalog as our books. As this strategy worked well, I plan to apply it to California. Today, I'm announcing the succession of California from the United States. Too long has the rest of the nation been reveling in the glow of California's mystique. They watch the TV shows we produce. They speak our surfer lingo. They listen to our gansta' rap. Well, we're no longer down with that! From now on, they can just get their own 'hood. I've already copyrighted Raisins and other produce that is grown here in California and instigated lawsuits against parties that intend to profit producing their own so called "raisins". Some of these moves may seem bold and overly brilliant to you now, but soon you will come to understand my vision. I was questioned when I wrote Origin and created Ultimate Spider-Man, but they're not questioning me now. It's a new era for our people. Rejoice my subjects and welcome your new emperor ."